Just because a man is a widower does not mean it will be uninteresting and disappointing to date him. There are many happy couples that consist of a widower and charming lady. However, it is worth mentioning that there are some peculiarities of dating a widower over 50. Check out the following red flags and tips on dating a widower to help you find a common language with him.
Tips when dating a very recent widower:
Tip 1. Do not hesitate to be curious.
When dating a widower over 60 or less, you should keep in mind that his ex-wife has lived the biggest part of his life with him. He must have got used to her and therefore, he remembers her well. She might come up to his mind very often. It will be such a pleasure for him if you ask a few questions about her. It is not always painful for him to reply to you back if it comes to his ex-wife. On the contrary, he would be pleased with the fact that you respect his past.
Tip 2. Do not push him.
It might be very traumatic to lose a partner. If he is not ready for a new romance, you should be gentle and try to understand him. Support him in his grief and wait till all the wounds are healed. The best thing you can do for him is be patient and wait till the perfect time. You should never push him to have sex with you or seduce him because it will not work: he might just release his pain and feelings, but it will never end up in marriage.
Tip 3. Support him in the waves of grief.
Such waves of grief might come up from time to time. You should not just tell him «Come on!» or «Let’s move on!» because it will never be enough. You should hug him or wipe his tears away, but not just make him forget her. It is not always that easy to do it, so you will have to be understanding and careful. For instance, you might cook some meal or sandwich for him to show your love and care.
Tip 4. Be grateful.
In most cases, when you are dating a single dad widower, it might be the best gift that your life has given to you. This person would value every single second of his life and will make you happy as soon as the grief disappears. You should be grateful for the opportunity to be with a person who has learned very important life lessons and is ready for new love and being happy one more time with you and your kids if any.
Tip 5. Stay confident.
Although your partner is grieving and his heart is wounded, you should be confident in yourself because he has decided to open up his heart to you, not someone else. You should also be thankful to his previous partner who has contributed to his personality earlier so that he is the way he is now. You should not get abused just because he recollects his ex-wife often, but get ready for support, connection, and love that are on their way in your future relationships because he has learned the biggest lessons of life and love.
Tip 6. Treat your partner as a whole person.
His partner might have passed away, but this is only a part of the story of his life. Communicate with him about his ex-wife and try to help him release his feelings. Note that he is not the person for you to feel sympathy for, but the one you should respect and love if you do want to move on with him. Do not diminish him just because he is in pain and grief. Wait for the right time and show him your love as much as he is ready to accept it.
Tip 7. Be open-minded for a new life.
He might not forget his ex-wife, but you should help him to get used to a life without her. Possibly, you should try to replace her. However, note that if he is comparing you with her all the time, you would better treat this red flag seriously because he might never love you the way you are. If he accepts you and says that he likes you, you would better open up your heart for a new life with him.
When should a widower start dating again?
First of all, a widower must feel he is ready to give and accept love. If he thinks he is not ready, do not disturb him. You should not be just a shoulder to cry on, but the one who deserves to love and be loved. The sooner he realizes you are worth dating and he is ready for taking care of you, it is the most appropriate time to start the relationship. If he seems to never stop groaning and mourning for his ex-wife, let him go and try to find someone else.
Is it normal for a widower to be close to the deceased parent’s family?
Of course, it is not. However, you should respect his feelings. Maybe, he wants to recall certain memories or stories connected with his ex-wife. Sometimes he might value the possibility to feel specific emotions and recollect some interesting stories. Of course, he should be close to the family of his ex-partner if he has kids. They must communicate with their grannies. Therefore, try not to judge him but figure out what exactly annoys you in this situation the most.
What if I am nervous about meeting his children?
You should prove to his children that you are interested in him. Some kids might test you to make sure you treat them fairly as well as their father. Do not get upset if it does not work the very first time. You might bring them some presents because everybody likes presents. Try to ask them some questions about their mother that has passed away and try to find a common language with them.
Should I remind him about his partner’s anniversary or birthday?
It is not always important to do it. If he does not want to talk about his ex, you would better not speak about her. However, if you want to help him, you would better be supportive and celebrate their anniversary together to make him not feel alone these days. Note that you will never replace his ex-wife, no matter how hard you try, but being supportive is the key to happiness in your future. It is like a box where you put all the treasures: the more you invest or place there, the richer you become in your heart and maybe future family.
Should I ask him to remove all the photos of his deceased partner?
If he has kids, it would be better not to do it because the children should not forget their mother just because she has died. On the contrary, if he did not have children with her, you would better ask him to get rid of all these photos not to remind him about pain. He should never compare you to her. If he still does, you would better stop dating because this road would lead you to nowhere.
Can I be happy with a widower?
Yes, you can as long as your happiness is in your hands. If you do love him and it seems that he loves you as well, you should ignore his waves of grief and encourage him to open up his heart for a new love story. Be patient and care for him. Sooner or later, his grief will disappear and it will be you who will stay with him, no matter what. You might be happy with him because most widowers know how to love and care. They are aware of the science of love, so they will be able to make you happy when they get rid of the grief.
Try to support him in the moments of grief and in the midst of pain. Do not let him go if he is in despair because all such negative thoughts might vanish as soon as he realizes that you care and do not want to lose him. If he treats you as a whole person without comparing you with his deceased partner, it is a good sign for you. Love can remove all the hurdles on its way.
If heaven has sent you to him, use this opportunity to build the happiest family. Value him because he might know how to love and accept love, unlike other single potential partners that you might be acquainted with. Do not hesitate to call or write a message to him if you feel that he is not okay. Such little things are precious and would make him happy. We wish you found a common language with him as soon as you can as well as with the rest of his family.